Self-justification ain't what it used to be!

I have a settled internal system of self-justification. It used to be a smoothly-whirring machine, silent and reliable, so that I never even sensed its presence. If I got angry, the anger was always automatically justified. In fact, it was most definitely "righteous indignation" of the Christlike kind. If I lashed out, the victim always deserved it. Ah, those were the days. . . .

It's different now. It has become clear to me that God has thrown a spiritual monkey-wrench into my well-oiled machine. What had once purred like a kitten now sputters and backfires. Take anger, for example. Oh, at first there's the usual rush to self-justify, but soon a simple question begins to needle my inexplicably sensitive conscience. You think you're anger is so reasonable, so right, but is it really? Is God pleased by your bluster and fury, do you think?

And thus I move on to the internal debate phase. On the one hand, I try to reassert the utter reasonableness of my actions. On the other, I am keenly aware that all my excuses ring hollow. Worse, by my actions I have wounded another at the heart-level with my precious indignation. And a new and ominous thought rises to the surface. It was sin, plain and simple, and you're going to have to apologize.

Aaargh! I preferred my well-oiled machine. Is life in Christ always going to be so dang humbling! Am I always to endure this internal warfare between the self-exalting flesh and the Christ-exalting spirit? No wonder I so often find myself crying, who shall save me from this body of death?

The answer, of course, is Christ. He shall save me, and has saved me. Somehow, despite my obvious guilt, I am not condemned! My burden of guilt has been born by another! And here's my starting-over-point once again. I, whose love for Jesus falls so far short of what he deserves, and whose love for myself is by comparison monstrously huge, have nevertheless been offered, not justice, but an entirely unjust freedom from what was most certainly my due.

So what do I do with this gift, I wonder again, startled to have received such crazy largess. And the answer comes, Work out your salvation in fear and trembling, saved one, for it is no less than God Himself working in you--monkey-wrenches and all--to transform you in accordance with his good and sovereign pleasure!

Note: Rick Ianniello quotes C. J. Mahaney on the same theme here.